My daughter was the first one up again this morning, all bright eyed and bushy tailed ready for the day, I haven’t felt like that for a while. I used to be a morning person and love the mornings, but recently I have found it a challenge to get out of bed and start my meditation practice.

It was another sunny morning, so I took my cushions and went and sat outside. Feeling sleepy, I sipped my cup of tea, settling in to place and made a start on my Koan question. Having spent all these weeks asking the question “Who am I?” I am beginning to feel resistant to practicing it, part of me has had enough of asking and wishes to try other meditations, I am beginning to feel a little bored of the same thing day in and day out and the time spent on writing the blog afterwards.

However I continued with my question, noticing anything that arose, thoughts came up, which sometimes took over, so I opened my eyes to notice the sights around me in order to stay in the present moment. When I closed my eyes again, sounds of people shouting and dogs barking made me jump and triggered an anxiety response within. I felt into my body noticing the sensations, just being with the feelings and I told myself it’s ok to feel this way.

I realised that I had started to notice all the negatives in and around me and needed to start being aware of the more subtle and peaceful things in life, so as I listened to the sounds around me, hearing the birds singing and the gentle breeze blowing through the trees. This brought more peaceful feelings within and reminded me that I needed to listen to the quieter, softer feelings inside. So as I focused on peaceful feelings in my body, I started to relax, soften and let go. Now I know that if I start to get bogged down with worrying thoughts or difficult emotions, I just need to change my focus and listen carefully to the softer sensations in the body and the quieter calmer thoughts within.